Girl Alone: Part 2 of 3: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control.

Copyright

Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

HarperElement

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First published by HarperElement 2015

FIRST EDITION

© Cathy Glass 2015

A catalogue record of this book is

available from the British Library

Cover photograph © Deborah Pendell/Arcangel Images (posed by model)

Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to

be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008138257

Ebook Edition © September 2015 ISBN: 9780008138288

Version: 2015-07-11

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Chapter Ten: A Positive Sign?

Chapter Eleven: No Progress

Chapter Twelve: Not My Father

Chapter Thirteen: End It All

Chapter Fourteen: Turning Point?

Chapter Fifteen: Doing the Right Thing

Chapter Sixteen: Failed to Protect Her

Chapter Seventeen: Remorse, Guilt and Regret

Moving Memoirs eNewsletter

About the Publisher

Chapter Ten
A Positive Sign?

Joss had a detention after school that Tuesday, so she didn’t return home until 5.30 p.m.

‘You know what happened, so don’t ask!’ she thundered as she came in. ‘Miss said she’d phoned you.’

‘She did phone,’ I said.

I closed the front door as Joss kicked off her shoes. She was clearly angry, so there was no point in trying to talk to her now. She marched upstairs to her room and I went into the kitchen to continue making dinner. A few minutes later she came down again, holding her school bag, which she plonked unceremoniously on the dining table. ‘I suppose I’ll have to do my effing homework before I go out.’

I turned to look at her. ‘You won’t be going out tonight, love,’ I said. ‘Not after the way you behaved at school today.’

‘But that’s not fair! I’m allowed out on a Tuesday. I’m not doing my homework, then. You can stuff it!’

Here we go again, I thought. Grabbing her bag, she stormed back upstairs. I heard her bedroom door slam and then her moving nosily around in her room, which was directly above the kitchen.

How much easier it would be, I thought, in the short term at least, if I let Joss do as she wanted instead of trying to put in place guidelines for good and safe behaviour. Here I was, at the start of yet another evening, tense and anxious, with my stomach tied in a knot. But letting Joss continue unchecked would do her no good and would have been irresponsible of me as a parent and carer. Someone needed to make Joss understand that there would be consequences if she kept behaving as she was, and who else was there to do that but me? Her mother and stepfather had tried and failed, so had an aunt and two previous foster carers, and it looked as though I was going the same way. I knew Joss and I were heading for a showdown – her will against mine – but it was essential she learnt to behave in a safe and acceptable manner.

Joss stayed in her room for the next fifteen minutes, until six o’clock when I called everyone to dinner. She came immediately and was no longer angry or even sulking; she took her seat at the table and spoke pleasantly to Lucy and Paula – Adrian wasn’t home yet. Naïvely I assumed that, alone in her room, she’d had time to reflect on her behaviour, had realized she was in the wrong and now accepted she wasn’t going out. She ate her main course, didn’t want any pudding, but remained seated at the table until we’d all finished. Then we took our dishes through to the kitchen and Joss returned upstairs to her room. I’d go up shortly and encourage her to come down, as I didn’t want her sitting alone all evening. However, a minute later, while I was clearing up, I heard her bedroom door open and then her footsteps on the stairs. I was expecting her to go into the front room where Paula and Lucy were, or possibly to come and find me, but a few moments later I heard the front door open and then close. I went straight into the hall to find it empty.

‘She’s gone out,’ Lucy called from the front room.

‘I don’t believe it! She wasn’t allowed out tonight. I’m going after her.’ I quickly pushed my feet into my sandals and opened the front door.

‘Be careful,’ Paula said, appearing in the hall.

‘Don’t worry, I won’t be long.’

I went out, down the front path and onto the pavement just in time to see Joss disappearing around the bend further up the road. I assumed she was heading for the bus stop on the high road, in which case I’d need to reach her before she got on the bus. It was a fine evening and still light. I walked quickly, but as I turned the bend I saw her standing on the pavement further up. She was looking away from me, concentrating on the top of the road, watching and waiting for someone to arrive, I guessed. I continued towards her and only at the last moment, when I was pretty close, did she turn and look at me, shocked and surprised.

‘What do you want?’ she demanded.

‘I told you to stay in tonight,’ I said none too quietly. ‘How dare you disobey me and go out.’

‘Go away,’ she hissed, glancing anxiously around. ‘You can’t make me stay in.’

‘I’m not going home without you. Who are you waiting for?’

‘No one. Leave me alone. I can do what I like.’

‘No, you can’t,’ I said. ‘No one can do as they like all the time, and certainly not at thirteen!’

Joss looked around, clearly embarrassed. It was a warm summer’s evening and people were out, on their way home from work and the shops, and of course I was making a scene.

‘I want you to come home with me now, Joss,’ I said quite loudly. ‘Then we can talk about this.’

‘I’m not coming. I’m waiting for my friends,’ she hissed.

‘Who? Zach?’

She nodded.

‘I’ll wait with you then and explain what’s happened.’

‘You can’t do that. Go home,’ she hissed again.

‘Not unless you come with me.’

‘He’ll be annoyed if he finds you here,’ she said, and it sounded like a threat.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll handle it. Is this where he usually picks you up and drops you off?’ I asked.

‘Yeah. Now go away, will you?’ She looked anxiously up the street.

‘I’m not going anywhere, Joss, without you,’ I confirmed, and remained standing beside her.

‘Oh, shit!’ she suddenly said.

I followed her gaze to the shiny black BMW that was now turning onto the road.

‘He’s here. Go away!’ She tried to elbow me away and a passer-by looked at us.

Clearly the driver of the BMW must have seen us, and for a moment I thought he was going to drive straight past, but then the car slowed and pulled in to the kerb, level with us. I could see Zach at the wheel, Carl in the passenger seat and Chelsea in the rear. The front windows stayed up, but Chelsea lowered her window and looked out.

‘What’s up?’ she asked Joss.

‘She says I can’t go out tonight,’ Joss said.

‘Aww,’ I heard Carl sneer from the front.

‘Come on,’ Chelsea said. ‘Don’t take any notice of her. Get in.’

Much to Chelsea’s surprise, I opened the rear door. ‘Hello, everyone,’ I said, looking in.

‘Hello,’ Zach said sombrely, while Carl gave a snort of derisive laughter. Both lads continued to look straight ahead.

‘Are you getting in or what?’ Chelsea asked Joss.

‘No, she’s not,’ I said. Joss stood beside me, embarrassed, agitated and not knowing what to do.

‘She’s not coming out tonight,’ I confirmed.

‘Do what your carer says,’ Carl sniggered. Then to Zach he said: ‘Come on, man, let’s go. We don’t want any trouble.’ Zach revved the engine.

‘You coming? Last chance,’ Chelsea said to Joss.

‘No, she’s not,’ I said.

‘Close the fucking door, man,’ Carl snarled from the front.

‘Bye then,’ Chelsea said, annoyed, and slammed the door. Immediately the car sped away, tyres screeching.

‘Now look what you’ve done!’ Joss cried, turning to me, close to tears.

My heart was pounding and my legs were like jelly. I hate confrontations, but this one had been essential.

‘I’ve done what is right to keep you safe,’ I said. ‘If I tell you you’re not going out, I mean it.’

‘They’ll all be laughing at me,’ Joss moaned. ‘And why didn’t Zach stick up for me?’

‘Because he’s not the friend you thought he was?’ I offered gently.

‘Yes, he is,’ Joss snapped. ‘It’s you. You’re ruining my life. I want to see my friends and have fun.’ We turned and began back down the street.

‘I’m not trying to stop you from having fun, Joss, but I’m very concerned that the type of fun you’re having at present isn’t safe. Why not invite a friend of your own age home? You could watch a film and eat takeaway pizza.’ This was the type of fun a thirteen-year-old should be having – innocent, age-appropriate fun – but Joss, with all her problems, was missing out on that and trying to bury her sorrow in drink and drugs.

‘Chelsea wouldn’t come,’ Joss said moodily as we walked.

‘Well, invite another friend, then. Perhaps someone from your class?’

‘I haven’t got any other friends,’ Joss said gloomily. ‘Chelsea is my only mate.’

‘I’m sure that isn’t true,’ I said. ‘You’re a nice person – when you’re not angry,’ I added with a smile.

‘No one wants to be my friend,’ Joss said, sadness now replacing anger. ‘They think I’m bad news because I’m always in trouble. Their parents tell them to keep away from me.’

Which I could understand. ‘There is a very obvious solution, Joss,’ I said. ‘Stop getting into trouble, behave yourself and then make some new friends. You don’t have to keep breaking all the rules. It’s not big and it’s not clever. You can change if you want to. Miss Pryce said she’s hoping that after the six-week summer holiday you’ll go back to school and start afresh.’