Say Yes To The Cowboy

From lone wolf to family man

When trick roper Zeke Rafferty sees Tess Irwin standing on his front porch, memories of two unforgettable days—and nights—come flooding back. But when the pretty schoolteacher reveals that one plus one will soon equal three, Zeke is stunned. Then he remembers his manners. And asks Tess to marry him.

If you turn down a handsome cowboy’s proposal, is it okay to still want to kiss him? Wait, no! Tess doesn’t want a husband. Besides, she’s holding out for love. A man has a right to know he fathered a child, but beyond that, Tess is raising this child alone. Zeke proved he can make a baby. But can he make the grade as a loving husband and dad?

Praise for Vicki Lewis Thompson

“It’s a wonderful sexy romance, with some very appealing and likable characters, and I’m definitely going to delve into more of the Thunder Mountain Brotherhood series.”

—HarlequinJunkie, Top Pick, on Cowboy Untamed

“The tongue-in-cheek, sweet yet sensual and comfortable family feel... remains until the last page. Cowboy After Dark is a story that will keep you smiling.”

—RT Book Reviews, Top Pick

“Thompson continues to do what she does best, tying together strong family values bound by blood and choice, interspersed with the more sizzling aspects of the relationship.”

—RT Book Reviews on Thunderstruck

“All the characters, background stories and character development are positively stellar; the warm family feeling is not saccharine-sweet, but heartfelt and genuine, and Lexi and Cade’s rekindled romance is believable from beginning to end, along with the classy, sexy and tender love scenes.”

—Fresh Fiction on Midnight Thunder

“Vicki Lewis Thompson has compiled a tale of this terrific family, along with their friends and employees, to keep you glued to the page and ending with that warm and loving feeling.”

—Fresh Fiction on Cowboys and Angels

Say Yes to the Cowboy

Vicki Lewis Thompson

www.millsandboon.co.uk

A passion for travel has taken New York Times bestselling author VICKI LEWIS THOMPSON to Europe, Great Britain, the Greek isles, Australia and New Zealand. She’s visited most of North America and has her eye on South America’s rain forests. Africa, India and China beckon. But her first love is her home state of Arizona, with its deserts, mountains, sunsets and—last but not least—cowboys! The wide-open spaces and heroes on horseback influence everything she writes. Connect with her at www.vickilewisthompson.com, Facebook.com/vickilewisthompson and Twitter.com/vickilthompson.

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To the many copy editors over the years who’ve tightened my prose and questioned my word choices.

We share the same geeky obsession with language, so it’s too bad we can’t all meet in the bar for a drink.

I know we’d get along!

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Praise

Title Page

About the Author

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Epilogue

Extract

Copyright

Chapter One

When a truck drove up outside the ranch house, Zeke Rafferty put down the barbell and grabbed a towel to mop his face. The workout wasn’t that hard, but the pain in his shoulder made him sweat like a pig. As he pulled on a T-shirt, the soft cotton stuck to his skin.

He’d recently decided to let his beard grow, so he hoped his visitor was someone who wouldn’t mind the sweat or the scruff. Walking out onto the front porch helped cool him off. Maybe he should start doing his exercises there so he could catch the Wyoming evening breeze.

He was glad to see the Thunder Mountain Academy logo on the tan pickup in front of the house. Anyone driving that truck would be family. When he saw it was Rosie, his foster mom, he hurried over to open the door for her. His nose told him she’d baked him a rhubarb pie. Excellent.

“Came over to see how you’re doing.” She handed him the pie and then waved him off as he started to help her down. “Don’t put a strain on your shoulder, son.”

“I won’t.” He got a kick out of seeing her at the wheel of such a massive vehicle. The top of her fluffed-up blond hairdo barely reached his shoulder yet she drove that truck with authority. He transferred the pie to his other hand and used his good arm to steady her as she stepped on the running board and hopped down. “The pie smells great.”

“It’s still warm. Do you have any of that vanilla ice cream left?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Then, if you’ll make me some decaf, I wouldn’t mind a slice before I head back. By the way, Herb said to say hello.”

“Thanks.” Zeke enjoyed these impromptu visits from his foster parents. He was fine with his own company, which made him the perfect caretaker for his foster brother Matt’s ranch, but he didn’t mind having someone to talk to now and then.

Maybe his nights seemed especially quiet because his days were filled with the sounds of hammering and sawing, sometimes punctuated with a baby’s squeals and laughter. His foster brother Damon Harrison and Damon’s wife, Philomena, were renovating the house for Matt, and they usually brought along their seven-month-old baby, Sophie. Zeke wasn’t much help with the renovation because of his shoulder, so he entertained Sophie when she was awake.

Rosie glanced at the sawhorses in the living room and the cartons of hardwood flooring. “Damon mentioned that they’d decided to replace the floors in all the bedrooms.”

“Yes, ma’am, and it’ll be beautiful when they’re done. Matt’s gonna love it.”

“He will. They do fabulous work. Speaking of Matt, have you heard from him recently?” Rosie headed for the kitchen.

“He called this morning.” Zeke started on the coffee. “Wanted to warn me that he’d ordered a kitchen table and chairs.” He gestured at the card table and folding chairs in the room now. “Should be here in a few days.” After landing a starring role in a Western being released in September, Matt was on track to become the most famous of the Thunder Mountain foster boys. With his improved finances, he’d bought this place, outside Sheridan and adjacent to Thunder Mountain Ranch. Matt’s timing had been perfect for Zeke. A torn rotator cuff from years of trick roping had forced him to leave the rodeo circuit for a few months. Keeping an eye on Matt’s property and overseeing renovations and furniture delivery had given him a spot to land until he healed.

“You’re going to the premiere, right?” Rosie put generous servings of pie on two plates and added a scoop of ice cream to each. Then she put them on the table along with napkins and forks. She’d helped Zeke organize the kitchen when he’d moved in, so she knew her way around.

“Planning on it.”

“How’s your shoulder?”

“Better.” It was his standard answer but progress was too damned slow. He worried that even after he was healed enough to get back to his routine, he’d need hours of practice before feeling confident he could dazzle the fans.

“I went online today and found a video of you performing at a rodeo in Vegas. Do you always wear sparkly clothes or was that a Vegas thing?”

He laughed. “I always do. I have a closet full of that stuff. When the spotlight hits me, I’m a regular rhinestone cowboy.” After adding cream to Rosie’s coffee, he brought both mugs to the table.

“I liked the routine in the dark where the ropes light up.”

“Those are tricky to work with but they’re a crowd-pleaser.” He took a seat across from Rosie. “I’m flattered that you looked for the video.”

“I had ulterior motives. I wanted to see if the students would go for it, and they definitely would. Once you’re healed, I’d love to have you teach a short roping class at the academy if you can work it into your schedule.”

He smiled. “Is that why you made my favorite pie?”

“I figured it couldn’t hurt.”

“I’d be glad to.” His temporary move to Matt’s place had given him a chance to see Thunder Mountain Academy in action. Years ago Rosie and Herb had sheltered numerous foster boys at their ranch. Then in retirement they’d found themselves with financial problems through no fault of their own.

Some of their foster sons had rallied to help them create Thunder Mountain Academy, a for-credit residential program for older teens where they’d learn everything equine-related. Zeke hadn’t kept in touch as much as some of the other guys, so he hadn’t heard about the financial crisis until it had been taken care of.

Fortunately the successful program had kept his foster parents from selling the ranch. It also had been a blessing in disguise because they’d obviously been bored once all the foster boys had grown and left. Unlike Zeke, they were extremely social.

“We’d pay you to teach classes in roping,” Rosie said.

“Not necessary. I wasn’t here to help set up the academy so it’s the least I can do.” He lifted a forkful of pie. “Just make me a few of these and I’m good. It’s hard to find decent rhubarb pie.”

“I know. Not enough demand. Until you came along I never made it because nobody else liked it besides me. Having you a short drive away is a bonus for lots of reasons, but I love the excuse to make this pie.”

Zeke scooped up another bite. “Happy to be of service.”

“Incidentally, someone called today looking for you.”

“Who?” He paused, his fork in midair.

“Tess Irwin. She lives in Casper.” Rosie gazed at him. “Your ice cream’s dripping all over.”

“Whoops.” He shoved the mixture of pie and melting ice cream into his mouth, which bought him a little time to think.

“I take it you recognize the name.” Rosie’s blue eyes saw much more than he wanted her to.

“Yes, ma’am. We met in Texas in April. She and her girlfriend came down because her girlfriend’s going with one of my buddies on the circuit. So Tess and I...spent time together.”

“She gave me her number and asked you to call.” Rosie pushed a slip of paper across the table. “I promised to pass it on.”

“Thanks.” He stuffed the paper into his pocket without looking at it.

Rosie changed the subject to an upcoming wedding at the ranch. Cade Gallagher was the first foster boy Rosie and Herb had taken in. He was marrying Lexi Simmons, his high school sweetheart, in less than a month. Rosie had been waiting for that wedding for a long time and she loved discussing the details. Zeke was glad he’d be here for it.

After Rosie left, he took one of the folding chairs from the kitchen and sat on the front porch. The scent of rain was in the air. It had rained the first night he’d had sex with Tess. He couldn’t really call it making love because they’d just met. Rain had beat on the window as they’d undressed each other.

If he closed his eyes, he could picture her perfectly: blond hair down past her shoulders, blue eyes, nice breasts, slim waist, shapely legs. She’d mentioned a divorce the previous year. She hadn’t been looking for a steady guy, just someone to have fun with.

She had, in fact, been looking for someone exactly like him, a man with no plans to settle down, a man who could enjoy a couple of nights with her and expect nothing more. When it came to people, he had no expectations. His father had taught him two things—roping and self-reliance. Zeke had become proficient at both.

He’d never expected to see Tess again, yet here she was, tracking him down. She hadn’t seemed like the stalker type. In any case, he wouldn’t call her back. He’d come here to heal and take care of Matt’s place, at least for the next few months. He wasn’t interested in whatever Tess had in mind.

When he went back inside, he took the scrap of paper from his pocket, crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash.

* * *

Tess allowed a week to go by before putting in another call to Rosie. Rosie didn’t sound happy to hear that Zeke hadn’t called. When Tess emphasized the urgency of the matter, Rosie suggested she come in person so they could work things out.

Tess had no idea how they’d do that, but she wasn’t in a position to question Rosie. She packed an overnight bag and threw it in her sedan before driving north toward Sheridan. At the turnoff to the ranch, she saw a wooden sign announcing it as the location of Thunder Mountain Academy.

The ranch itself had a homey feel. An old-fashioned, hip-roofed barn was off to the left and the low-slung house sported an awesome front porch that ran the length of the building. Adirondack chairs in alternating brown and green lined the porch. The sign she’d seen initially was painted in the same colors, which must have something to do with the academy, whatever that was.

A short, blond woman who might be in her sixties came through the front door and stood on the porch as Tess climbed out of her car.

“Tess?” she called as she walked down the steps.

“Yes, that’s me. Are you Rosie?”

“I am.”

“Is Zeke here?” All the way from Casper she’d wondered if she’d step inside the ranch house and find him waiting for her.

“Not yet, but I’ve invited him for dinner.”

“Does he know that I’ll be here?”

“No.”

Tess’s stomach churned with anxiety. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I don’t want to ambush him.”

“Tess, he’s deliberately avoiding you, and I didn’t raise that boy to be rude, especially to a young lady he has a connection to. I intend to make sure that you get a chance to talk with him.”

“You’re his mother?” If this petite, plump and fair-skinned woman had given birth to Zeke, he must take after his dad.

“Foster mother.”

“Oh! Oh, my goodness. He never told me that he’d been in foster care.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. Listen, why don’t you get your bag and come inside for some lemonade and peanut butter cookies?”

“Okay. Thank you.” Tess let out a breath. Rosie’s blue-eyed gaze was kind, and kindness was welcome right now. Lemonade and cookies sounded pretty darned good, too.

After depositing her overnight bag in a guest room, she sat at Rosie’s kitchen table, enjoying her snack while Rosie filled her in on the history of Thunder Mountain. Then Rosie explained the structure of the academy and why it existed.

Tess hung on every word. Knowing that Zeke had been a foster child added a new challenge to the situation. But every bit of information helped, including the tidbit Rosie had provided about his injured shoulder.

“He’s terrific. A great guy,” Rosie said. “But he’s always held himself apart from the rest of us. I won’t divulge his past. That’s for him to reveal if he chooses to. But I won’t kid you...he has issues. Even though I don’t approve of his decision not to call you, I understand why he might not. His bum shoulder has turned him into an injured bear hiding in a cave.”

“I can see him doing that. He’s so independent. I’ll bet not being able to work drives him nuts.”

“I’m sure it does. But I taught my boys manners. He should have given you the courtesy of contacting you and listening to whatever it is you have to say.”

Tess smiled. She really liked this woman. “But you could have insisted he call me back instead of inviting me up here.”

“Wouldn’t you rather see him in person?”

“Yes. Yes, I would.”

Rosie laid a hand on hers. “Zeke won’t be here for another hour. Maybe you’d like to have a little rest before he gets here.”

She knows. Tess could see it in her eyes. “Is he close by?”

“In Wyoming terms, we’re neighbors. He’s agreed to be the caretaker at his brother’s ranch while he’s healing his shoulder.”

Tess pushed back her chair and picked up her empty lemonade glass. “I’m going to take you up on that suggestion of resting before dinner. Unless you need help?”

“Thank you, but I have it covered. The students are in charge of making their own dinner tonight and I have meat loaf and scalloped potatoes ready to pop in the oven for the family.”

Tess’s mouth watered. Food was one of her obsessions these days, and eating someone else’s cooking would be a treat. “That sounds delicious.”

“I’ll tap on your door when he gets here.”

“All right.” A surge of anxiety canceled her hunger. “Thank you.”

Tess escaped to her bedroom, which was decorated in soothing tones of green. Kicking off her shoes, she stretched out on the bed and launched into the deep breathing exercises she’d been practicing.

That helped. Starting at the top of her head, she gradually relaxed her entire body. Outside her window a bird sang a cheerful little song, but otherwise the house was quiet. Peaceful. It was, she could tell, a good house. A refuge.

Chapter Two

After what seemed like five minutes, Rosie tapped on her door. “Tess, he’s here.”

Heart pounding and palms sweating, Tess brushed her hair, refreshed her makeup and smoothed the wrinkles from her blouse and slacks. As she was about to open the door, she heard Zeke’s deep laugh. She hadn’t thought she’d remember it, but the sound awakened feelings she’d hoped she’d buried. She didn’t want to be attracted to him—not anymore—but her libido seemed to have other ideas.

She heard another man chuckle. That must be Herb, Rosie’s husband. Rosie had mentioned he would be the only other person there for dinner. Sometimes there was a crowd, she’d said, but not tonight. Tess figured that was on purpose.

When she walked into the living room, Zeke was sitting on one end of the sofa, holding a bottle of beer. A wiry older man, undoubtedly Herb, had taken the opposite end and Rosie was in a comfy-looking armchair. Both men popped up immediately.

Herb smiled in welcome, but Zeke’s face, what she could see of it since he now had a full beard and wore his Stetson, was brick-red with either anger or embarrassment. Maybe both.

He gave Rosie a quick what-the-hell glance before turning back to her. “Hello, Tess.” He cleared his throat. “Wasn’t expecting you.”

“I invited her.” Rosie stood. “Tess, this is my husband, Herb.”

“Nice meeting you.” Herb walked over and shook her hand. “Glad you could pay us a visit.” He, too, had kind eyes.

“Thank you.” She managed a smile. “So am I. Your place is charming.”

“Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes,” Rosie said, “but I can let it simmer a little longer if you two need more time to talk. Herb, let’s go whip up a salad.”

“I’m on it.” He left the room.

Tess wished she could follow them both into the kitchen. She’d rather do almost anything than stay there with the smoldering volcano that was Zeke. But Rosie was right. Telling him in person was the way to go, no matter how awkward it might turn out to be.

He let out a breath and met her gaze. “Guess I should have called you.”

“Maybe this is better.”

Gradually the color drained from his face. “Why?”

“I’m pregnant.”

He stared at her. Then he shook his head. “You can’t be.”

“I didn’t think it was possible, either, so I put off going to the doctor. Frankly, I thought I might have some serious health issues and I didn’t want to deal with them until school was out.”

His breathing accelerated. “How can you be pregnant? We used condoms!”

“I can’t answer that for sure. The doctor said it could be for any number of reasons, but she said it happens.”

“So much for modern science.” He grimaced. “Look, this feels like a lousy thing to say, but I have to ask. Are you sure it was me?”

“That’s a fair question. But you were my first lover after my divorce, which was a year ago, and there’s been nobody since. I don’t have any proof, though, so you’ll have to take my word for it.”

“I will.”

“Thank you.” That was one ugly discussion they could skip. “Look, I know this is a shock, but let me put your mind to rest. I’m here to inform you because I don’t believe in keeping a pregnancy a secret from the father, but I don’t expect anything from you.”

“But you’re pregnant with my kid!”

She shrugged. “So what? You didn’t intend for this to happen and, judging from our discussions in April, you never planned to have children, so I’ll handle everything. I absolve you of any responsibility.”

“That’s crazy. You can’t just—”

“Sure I can. I’ll have a lawyer draw up something legal for us to sign if you’d prefer that. I know you don’t want him, but the thing is, I do. I love children, but I was told I had about a five percent chance of ever conceiving. This is a miracle baby and I can’t wait to be a mother.”

“You said him.”

“Yes. I’m having a boy.”

“I thought you couldn’t tell at three months.”

“They have a blood test now. It’s very accurate.”

He rubbed a hand over his face. “A boy. Wow.” Then he glanced toward the kitchen. “Did you tell Rosie you were pregnant? Is that why she set up this meeting?”

“No, you’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Really? What about your folks? What about your friend, the one you came to Texas with?”

“Nobody knows. I wanted a plan before I broke the news. But I think Rosie suspects. When I called back a second time and told her it was very important that I get in touch with you, she probably guessed why.”

“I should have called. I apologize for that. I thought—well, it doesn’t matter. I still should’ve called.”

“You thought I was out of school and looking for a way to spice up my summer?”

“Yes, ma’am, I did.” His hazel eyes gleamed for a moment but then the twinkle was gone. “And I’m not feeling up to that.”

The temporary gleam of desire got to her. She hated to admit it, but the longer they talked, the more she wanted to touch him. “I’m sorry about your shoulder. I thought you might show up here in a sling.” She didn’t know which shoulder was injured, either.

“I have one but I don’t like wearing it.”

“Does your bad shoulder make it hard to shave?”

“Shave? No, I’m right-handed. Oh.” He stroked his beard. “You mean this. I decided to grow it since I’m not doing public appearances.”

“Mmm.” She wondered if it would be prickly or soft.

“You don’t like it.”

“It makes you look different.” Like a pirate or a mountain man, both intimidating images of rugged men who couldn’t be bothered with changing diapers and warming bottles.

“You don’t look different.” His gaze drifted to her stomach. “This is so hard to believe. I feel like this is a dream and any minute I’ll wake up.”

“Trust me, I felt the same when I got the news. The difference is, I was thrilled. I don’t expect you to be.”

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, Tess.” He looked into her eyes. “I’m pretty disoriented right now.”

“That’s understandable.”

Rosie appeared in the doorway. “Dinner’s ready. But you don’t have to come right away if you need more time.”

“I do need some time.” Zeke glanced her way. “I wouldn’t be fit company right now, anyway. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll take a rain check on dinner.”

“Your decision, but I made another rhubarb pie.”

“Thanks, Rosie. At least I know you’re not too mad at me for not returning Tess’s call.”

“I wasn’t mad, son. Just a little disappointed. If you feel the need to head on back, I’ll save some of the pie for another time.”

“That would be great.” Crossing the room in three long strides, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “And thanks for setting me straight on this deal.”

“You’re welcome.”

He turned back to Tess. “I’d like to ask a favor, if I may?”

“What’s that?”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d stick around for another day or so. Give me a chance to get my bearings before you go back to Casper.”

“I don’t want to impose on your foster parents.”

“It’s not an imposition,” Rosie said. “Stay as long as you like.”

Zeke nodded. “Good, then. It’s settled. I’ll be back tomorrow. Ladies.” Touching the brim of his hat, he walked out the front door.

* * *

Zeke made the trip back to Matt’s ranch on autopilot. He couldn’t have said how he got there but, sure enough, there he was parked in front of the house. He sat in the truck for a while, unable to summon the energy to go inside.

Against all odds, he’d created a child, something he’d vowed never to do. Worse yet, the kid was a boy. He’d decided years ago that girls were more resilient. They bonded with each other in some mysterious way that strengthened them against disaster.

But a boy—specifically his boy—could end up battling demons alone. That had certainly been Zeke’s experience. And when this as-yet-unnamed boy figured out that his father had abandoned all parental responsibility? Guaranteed he’d have demons.

Eventually, Zeke climbed out of his truck, went into the house and stripped off his good shirt so he could do his exercises. And because he lost track of his repetitions, he ended up in more pain than usual. He bypassed his prescription pain medication in favor of a beer.

Sitting on the front porch on one of the folding chairs, he drank the beer and contemplated his options. He didn’t have a lot of them, and none were part of the life he’d imagined. But as the beer mellowed him out, he allowed his thoughts to dwell on Tess.

She was beautiful, way prettier than he’d remembered. He’d heard that pregnancy gave women a special glow. It might be true because she’d seemed lit from within. Her eagerness to have this baby was appealing. Hell, it was more than that. Her enthusiasm about bringing a new life into this world turned him on.

Yeah, there it was. The naked truth. Tess had been a great lover, and he had fond memories of their time in that Texas hotel room. But Tess as the mother of his child transformed her into a woman of irresistible appeal. If the attraction he’d felt back in April could be compared to a backyard fountain, this new emotion was more like Niagara Falls.

He wondered if his reaction was connected to some primitive urge to claim the female who’d successfully welcomed his bid for immortality. He hadn’t realized at the time how unlikely this mating had been. Knowing that he’d overcome the condom barrier plus her apparent infertility made him feel...okay, it made him feel like one heck of a stud.

But when he wasn’t mentally strutting around like the prize rooster in the henhouse, he was scared spit-less. He’d had reasons for avoiding fatherhood and none of them had changed just because he’d accidentally gotten a woman pregnant. He had skeletons in his closet, and Tess had every right to know what they were.

On the other hand, maybe he didn’t have to drag out those skeletons in the next twenty-four hours.

* * *

During dinner, Tess broke the news of her pregnancy to Rosie and Herb. That’s when she learned that Rosie considered the unborn baby her future grandchild.

“I realize that’s slightly unconventional.” She passed Tess a basket of warm yeast rolls. “But most of those boys call us Mom and Dad, so why not? Babies need grandparents to spoil them rotten.”

Tess laughed, charmed by the prospect of Rosie and Herb as her son’s grandparents. “I suppose they do. Mine treated me like a princess. I came along after they’d given up on having any, so I really did get spoiled. I’m sad that they’re gone now. They would have loved fussing over another baby.”

“Of course they would! Sophie—that’s Damon and Phil’s daughter—is the light of my life. She’ll be a year by the time your little guy is born. That’s old enough for her to understand that she has a new baby cousin. I can’t wait to see them together. It’ll be adorable.”

“Yes, well...” Tess had allowed herself to get carried away by Rosie’s enthusiasm. “I’m not sure how often I’ll get over here. I’ll do my best but...”

“Oh.” Rosie shared a quick glance with Herb. “You’ll have to excuse me, Tess. I was so focused on the baby that I didn’t think about anything else. Zeke will be back on the circuit by then, not living next door. I shouldn’t make assumptions about how the two of you will work everything out. For all I know, you’re going to travel with him.”

She shuddered at the thought. “I plan to raise the baby on my own.”

Rosie gave a little gasp of surprise. “Does Zeke know?”

“I told him tonight.”

Herb frowned. “And what did he say?”

“Not much. But when we met he told me he didn’t want kids. In my opinion, a reluctant father is worse than no father at all.”

Herb’s frown deepened. “But Zeke has a financial obligation to his son.”

She met Herb’s worried gaze. “Legally, yes, but I’m relieving him of that. I’m financially capable of raising this child and, despite my right to child support, I couldn’t in good conscience take money from a man who won’t be participating in the process.”