Max and Maurice

Max and Maurice

A Juvenile History in Seven Tricks

Preface.

Ah, how oft we read or hear of

Boys we almost stand in fear of!

For example, take these stories

Of two youths, named Max and Maurice,

Who, instead of early turning

Their young minds to useful learning,

Often leered with horrid features

At their lessons and their teachers.

Look now at the empty head: he

Is for mischief always ready.

Teasing creatures, climbing fences,

Stealing apples, pears, and quinces,

Is, of course, a deal more pleasant,

And far easier for the present,

Than to sit in schools or churches,

Fixed like roosters on their perches.

But O dear, O dear, O deary,

When the end comes sad and dreary!

'Tis a dreadful thing to tell

That on Max and Maurice fell!

All they did this book rehearses,

Both in pictures and in verses.

Trick First.

To most people who have leisure

Raising poultry gives great pleasure

First, because the eggs they lay us

For the care we take repay us;

Secondly, that now and then

We can dine on roasted hen;

Thirdly, of the hen's and goose's

Feathers men make various uses.

Some folks like to rest their heads

In the night on feather beds.

One of these was Widow Tibbets,

Whom the cut you see exhibits.

Hens were hers in number three,

And a cock of majesty.

Max and Maurice took a view;

Fell to thinking what to do.

One, two, three! as soon as said,

They have sliced a loaf of bread,

Cut each piece again in four,

Each a finger thick, no more.

These to two cross-threads they tie,

Like a letter X they lie

In the widow's yard, with care

Stretched by those two rascals there.

Scarce the cock had seen the sight,

When he up and crew with might:

Cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo;—

Tack, tack, tack, the trio flew.

Cock and hens, like fowls unfed,

Gobbled each a piece of bread;

But they found, on taking thought,

Each of them was badly caught.

Every way they pull and twitch,

This strange cat's-cradle to unhitch;

Up into the air they fly,

Jiminee, O Jimini!

On a tree behold them dangling,

In the agony of strangling!

And their necks grow long and longer,

And their groans grow strong and stronger.

Each lays quickly one egg more,

Then they cross to th' other shore.

Widow Tibbets in her chamber,

By these death-cries waked from slumber,

Rushes out with bodeful thought:

Heavens! what sight her vision caught!